This is a great and depressing song by Placebo. The album version is faster, but this is a wonderful live version. Hope you enjoy…

Okay, I’ve been up since 7:30am which is really early for me, I know, I sleep pretty late usually. I have a doctors appointment later today at an ear nose and throat doctor. I have always thought I broke my nose when I was about 14, and have a bump on it. I also have sleep issues and snore quite loud(so I’m told). I also have thought maybe I have sleep apnea, which is when you stop breathing while you sleep and your body has to make sure to wake and tell yourself to breathe. It may not wake you completely, but just enough so you never reach deep sleep. When I went to my primary doctor last month he looked in my nose and said I have a deviated septum and may have broke my nose, and it may cause breathing problems at night. He gave me some nasal spray and now I’m of to the ENT. We’ll see what he(or she, I’m not sure) says.

Since I was up early I got on Polyvore again and made another collage, this one was more artsy and I used colors that sort of went with my blog theme. I liked the one I did yesterday, but I thought it clashed when I looked at it on my blog. I’m not sure if this one turned out as well, and it might be a little messy, but whatever. I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think : )

I found this neat website called Polyvore and it’s a great new way for me to waste time online(and not write on my blog..heh) So, here is something I made today. I’m trying to kill two birds with one stone. Let me know what you think.

 

I feel as if our current drug laws are harmful towards our citizens and a poor use of the country’s law enforcement resources. I hope we can move in a more positive direction regarding these issues. I ask you to take the time to read the e-mail below, and take action in helping to change America’s outdated policies. 

 

Email from LEAP:
The war against the “War on Drugs” is really starting to heat up.  

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition has spent the last two years asking every single congressional office to take a thorough look at the failure of our drug laws, and now it is happening!

Recently on Capitol Hill, Sen. Jim Webb (D-Virginia) introduced a bill to create a blue ribbon commission to initiate a comprehensive review of America’s criminal justice and drug policies. The commission will spend eighteen months studying all aspects of the criminal justice system, report the findings to Congress and offer tangible recommendations for reform, including, possibly, an end to the cruel drug laws that send too many people to prison for too long.

But that’s only if we build enough support to pass this important legislation. 

We’ve made it easy for you to contact your legislators about supporting Sen. Webb’s bill. All you have to do is go to http://www.DrugWarDebate.com and enter in your contact information. Edit the pre-written letter if you want, and click send. Then, use our automated system to let your friends know that they can take action too. That’s it. 

If enough of us put this already-bipartisan legislation on our senators’ and representatives’ radar screens, we can and will make a difference.

The United States is the number one incarcerator in the world, with one out of every one hundred American adults behind bars. Sadly, the lion’s share of this insane level of incarceration is driven by drug prohibition.

Our current policies are not serving the public interest, and the results have been devastating: since the inception of the “war on drugs,” more than 38 million arrests have been made for nonviolent drug offenses. Under Sen. Webb’s legislation, the commission will, among other things, “make recommendations for changes in policies and laws designed to….restructure the approach to criminalization of, and incarceration as a result of the possession or use of illegal drugs.”

A thorough examination of the criminal justice system as it relates to the failed “war on drugs” will go a long way toward awakening more policymakers about the reasons for reform, and Sen. Webb’s efforts are exactly what we need right now. Please visit http://www.DrugWarDebate.com today to contact your senators and representatives, asking them to support S. 714, the National Criminal Justice Act of 2009. 

And please consider making a donation to help LEAP continue our important efforts. If you can afford to help, please go to http://www.CopsSayLegalizeDrugs.com/donateand make as big a gift as you feel comfortable giving.

We can’t do it without your help!

Sincerely,

Jack Cole
Executive Director
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition

__________________

These paintings are by artist Audrey Kawasaki, whose work is just brilliant. I hope you enjoy her art as much as I do.

 

Dishonest Heart

Domnique

Longing

So me and online guy (OG..he he) exchanged phone numbers, so we could talk before our date. Like I said before I think it was on Sunday. Monday OG called me. His voice wasn’t what I had imagined, he sounded very young and quite nervous. I am 30 and he is 25, but I usually don’t have a problem with younger guys. I just don’t want to turn into the 40 year old woman at the bar that tries to pick up much younger guys to make myself feel better. I think that’s sort of desperate and sleazy.

Anyways, I figured he was probably just nervous about meeting someone in real life that he met online. I could understand that, because I have never met someone from online either, it was sort of like a blind date. We talked a few times and it was kind of awkward, but I had already agreed to go on this date, so I felt it would have been rude to not follow through. I could tell he was inexperience with life in general from our conversations, but I still wanted to give him a chance. Maybe I was just being too judgmental. I also have a habit of pushing people away who seem too interested in me. Kind of silly , I know, but at least I am aware that it’s something I do. During one of our conversations he said to me “you’re awesome”, as soon as he said that I groaned in my mind. Just great, I thought, he likes me. When I told me sister what he said, she said “ohhhh noooo!”, lol, that’s *exactly* how I felt, oh no. I was really dreading the date.

So Wednesday (the day of our date) came around, and he was supposed to pick me up around 5:30 or 6. I watched him pull into my driveway and get out of the car. He looked cute and like the pictures he had posted, but he had something slightly effeminate about him.  He came in and met my dog and we soon left to go out to dinner. We went to a bar and grill the next town over. It was pretty empty, but out waitress seemed really nice and the menu looked good. I had never eaten there before, but had eaten at there other bar/restaurant in my town. I looked it up on the internet and they had a different menu than the one closer to my house, but it had more variety and had a less bar like atmosphere. 

Dinner was fine, but he didn’t really talk much and just seemed so young. I have had a lot of life experience and I feel like I need to be with someone that is similar to myself in that regard. Actually, the best part of the night was when I ordered a beer, and I knew the waitress was going to card me. I was reaching for my wallet and she said, “you knew that was coming”. I get carded all the time, but I told her that I bet I was older than she though I was. When she looked at my ID she let out a loud “Oh my god!”.  I laughed and she told me she thought I was 22, she was looking closely at my ID, inspecting it to make sure it wasn’t a fake. That made me feel really good. Back to the actual date, the food was ok and the conversation was a little forced. OG ordered a beer and barely drank half of it. When we finished dinner, the check came and I put down 20 dollars for my half. He asked me if he should pay for dinner, I said that I’d just pay for my half. If he would have insisted that he pay for both of us, I would have let him, but he didn’t. Then he didn’t really even know how much to tip her. The whole thing was just really weird. I like guys who are confidant and a little assertive, and OG definitely wasn’t either of those things.

As we drove back to my house I asked him if he maybe wanted to stop at a bar and get a drink, he said no. Ok, I thought. It’s not like I want to go out with an alcoholic, but what 25 year old guy doesn’t want to grab a beer. We went back to my house and watched some tv. He asked if I had any tea I could make him. So I made us some tea and around nine I told him I was going to go to bed, so he had to leave. I hugged him goodbye and he said “maybe we could go out again sometime”. I said maybe, and that was the end of out night. 

I will finish up with what happened after our date in another  post. He just came across as very young, and very needy. Our communication after the date reinforced  those things even more.  I knew he was not the type of guy I was looking for, or would want to go out with. The date wasn’t a disaster, but it just wasn’t right for me. I need someone a little more sure of themselves, with more life skills/experience and not so young seeming. Oh well, at least I gave it a shot.

 So I thought I’d give online dating a try, I live in a small town without many options in the dating department, plus my sister has known people who are in happy relationships that started online. I had been registered at a free site for a while, but gave up hope after finding mostly guys in “open relationships” and other unattractive qualities. I had decided to hide my profile, but not cancel it, just in case I wanted to give it another shot.

Well, I couple of weeks ago, I thought I would take a look to see if there was anyone new I might be interested in. I quickly found a cute guy that lived about an hour away. He was online at the same time I was, so when I looked at his page it alerted him. He IM’d me through the site’s IM system and we briefly talked. I couldn’t stay online for very long so we exchanged AIM names and agreed to talk another time. 

The next time we communicated we seemed to get along quite well. We talked a little about our interests and music and other, ‘getting to know you’ stuff. He seemed humorous and interesting. After several times AIMing he asked if I would like to go out to dinner. We exchanged phone numbers with the intention of speaking the next day. I believe it was Sunday when he asked me out and figured out that Wednesday would work best for the both of us. He seemed really cool and I looked forward to speaking with him on the phone, and was excited about going on a date, which would be my first one in a looooong time.

Well, when I started this I thought it would motivate me to do creative things with myself, and I would be posting about certain things in my life. As I’ve found out, blogging is harder than it looks, unless you are very dedicated or really into yourself…lol. 

At first I was reading and commenting on a lot of people’s blogs, these past few weeks I’ve been lazy and spending most of my time over at a forum that I love. I guess I shouldn’t put a lot of pressure on myself, but I can’t help it. When I stop by blogs that I read I get really annoyed when they don’t post very often, and I am doing the exact same thing. So here is my plan:

  • Pick a specific time 2-3 times a week and write anything that comes to mind 
  • Set aside a half an hour on those days to actually write.
  • One of the three days, I can post video links, or anything else that I feel like sharing.
  • Use at least part of my computer time for the week visiting new blogs and commenting on blogs I like
  • I need to realize that I am the only person that can make this blog interesting, if only for myself
  • Use my new camera to take pictures with the goal of adding more images to my blog(but not for fluff)
  • When I have ideas for a post, write them down, then use them
  • Don’t beat myself up if I don’t follow my ‘rules’

Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully I can be a little more consistent and follow through, as this is something that I really want to do, if only for proving that I can keep a commitment to myself.

I got this from my friend Vikas’s  blog. You too can create your own super hero at the Hero Factory

Something fun to do on a Sunday afternoon, hope you enjoy!!!

myhero

This story was something I wrote on a forum I belong too. The topic of the thread had to do with AA(alcoholics anonymous) People were discussing the way AA relies a lot on the idea of putting your life in the hands of a higher power, “god or god as you know him”. Many of the people were pretty negative about the idea of AA, which I understand. If you want to read an interesting viewpoint that is against the organization you can find that here.  This is my AA experience.

 I am not really a religious person. I went to a catholic school growing up yet my mother’s family is jewish. My sister just went to Israel and we both are exploring judaism right now. I like the way they(jews) approach faith but my problem is I don’t think the bible is the word of god so that is sort of a problem. I also have a lot of books about wicca and polytheism. My problem is I don’t have much discipline went it comes to religious practice and apparently I don’t have the faith to follow through on any of it.

My ex boyfriend had to go to AA for some court stuff and I went with him. I definitely felt it was cultish, we went to several different meetings in different towns and some were better than others. One we went to was alright but we knew a lot of the people there and many of them were active drinkers and drug users. The ones who were sort of the leaders, I felt were trying to suck me in, giving me all sorts of book and their phone numbers and being all around pushy and weird.

One of the books I got was “Twenty-Four Hours A Day” It’s a small book and each day of the year has an AA thought of the day, Meditation of the day, and Prayer of the day. Some of the things in the book are a little weird but some actually helped me It was shortly after the AA stuff that I ended up homeless and dealing with a lot of serious mental health issues. I felt helpless about pretty much every aspect of my life and sometimes I would flip through the book and find things that made me feel a little better. I just went to find the book and found a page I marked.

Some words from the meditation of the day: “The calm and sane mind sees spiritual things as the true realities and material things as only temporary and fleeting” The prayer for the day was ” I pray I may have a calm and sane mind. I pray I may look up, around, and away from myself” At the time I was a mess and as my dad said I was in ‘survival’ mode. I kind of had to not focus on the things that were actually going on and had to put my mind someplace outside of me or I was going to go more crazy than I already was. Some of the words brought me comfort and something else to focus on. It didn’t all of a sudden make everything all better, but it helped a little.

Maybe some people going through some really bad things with their alcoholism need to put their faith in something else, like I had to. Not really sure how it works for drinking and drugging but it helped me a little going through homelessness and mental health issues. I didn’t go to any meetings after the few I went to with my ex boyfriend and I don’t really know all of the ins and outs of the organization. The previous story was just my limited experience, which was really only had to do with that one little book.

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