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This is a great and depressing song by Placebo. The album version is faster, but this is a wonderful live version. Hope you enjoy…

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Well, when I started this I thought it would motivate me to do creative things with myself, and I would be posting about certain things in my life. As I’ve found out, blogging is harder than it looks, unless you are very dedicated or really into yourself…lol. 

At first I was reading and commenting on a lot of people’s blogs, these past few weeks I’ve been lazy and spending most of my time over at a forum that I love. I guess I shouldn’t put a lot of pressure on myself, but I can’t help it. When I stop by blogs that I read I get really annoyed when they don’t post very often, and I am doing the exact same thing. So here is my plan:

  • Pick a specific time 2-3 times a week and write anything that comes to mind 
  • Set aside a half an hour on those days to actually write.
  • One of the three days, I can post video links, or anything else that I feel like sharing.
  • Use at least part of my computer time for the week visiting new blogs and commenting on blogs I like
  • I need to realize that I am the only person that can make this blog interesting, if only for myself
  • Use my new camera to take pictures with the goal of adding more images to my blog(but not for fluff)
  • When I have ideas for a post, write them down, then use them
  • Don’t beat myself up if I don’t follow my ‘rules’

Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully I can be a little more consistent and follow through, as this is something that I really want to do, if only for proving that I can keep a commitment to myself.

I got this from my friend Vikas’s  blog. You too can create your own super hero at the Hero Factory

Something fun to do on a Sunday afternoon, hope you enjoy!!!

myhero

This story was something I wrote on a forum I belong too. The topic of the thread had to do with AA(alcoholics anonymous) People were discussing the way AA relies a lot on the idea of putting your life in the hands of a higher power, “god or god as you know him”. Many of the people were pretty negative about the idea of AA, which I understand. If you want to read an interesting viewpoint that is against the organization you can find that here.  This is my AA experience.

 I am not really a religious person. I went to a catholic school growing up yet my mother’s family is jewish. My sister just went to Israel and we both are exploring judaism right now. I like the way they(jews) approach faith but my problem is I don’t think the bible is the word of god so that is sort of a problem. I also have a lot of books about wicca and polytheism. My problem is I don’t have much discipline went it comes to religious practice and apparently I don’t have the faith to follow through on any of it.

My ex boyfriend had to go to AA for some court stuff and I went with him. I definitely felt it was cultish, we went to several different meetings in different towns and some were better than others. One we went to was alright but we knew a lot of the people there and many of them were active drinkers and drug users. The ones who were sort of the leaders, I felt were trying to suck me in, giving me all sorts of book and their phone numbers and being all around pushy and weird.

One of the books I got was “Twenty-Four Hours A Day” It’s a small book and each day of the year has an AA thought of the day, Meditation of the day, and Prayer of the day. Some of the things in the book are a little weird but some actually helped me It was shortly after the AA stuff that I ended up homeless and dealing with a lot of serious mental health issues. I felt helpless about pretty much every aspect of my life and sometimes I would flip through the book and find things that made me feel a little better. I just went to find the book and found a page I marked.

Some words from the meditation of the day: “The calm and sane mind sees spiritual things as the true realities and material things as only temporary and fleeting” The prayer for the day was ” I pray I may have a calm and sane mind. I pray I may look up, around, and away from myself” At the time I was a mess and as my dad said I was in ‘survival’ mode. I kind of had to not focus on the things that were actually going on and had to put my mind someplace outside of me or I was going to go more crazy than I already was. Some of the words brought me comfort and something else to focus on. It didn’t all of a sudden make everything all better, but it helped a little.

Maybe some people going through some really bad things with their alcoholism need to put their faith in something else, like I had to. Not really sure how it works for drinking and drugging but it helped me a little going through homelessness and mental health issues. I didn’t go to any meetings after the few I went to with my ex boyfriend and I don’t really know all of the ins and outs of the organization. The previous story was just my limited experience, which was really only had to do with that one little book.

I love this band, below I thought I’d put the lyrics to the song Sleep off of their 1992 album Bivouac, one of my all time favorite albums. I guess this song sums up the mood I’ve been in lately.

It seems I spend my days now wrapped in veils of sleep.
Caught in slumber’s grasp, nowhere that I should be.
I grew so goddamned tired of fighting against these chains.
No signs of relief or payment for my pains.
I know that I must try to break out of this cell I call my life.
To go to sleep is just to hide away.
I close my eyes so I won’t see the things I’d have to try to get.
I haven’t tried I’ve only turned away.
In my sleeping world I thought that I was safe.
Free from all the pain and burning light of day.
But even in my sleep now life is less than kind.
No escaping from this madness in my mind.
Severing.

fabric13

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